Domestic Violence: How to Create a Safety Plan
If you’re worried about your safety—or the safety of someone you love—having a clear, practical plan can make all the difference. A safety plan is a personalized, step-by-step strategy for staying safer in dangerous situations, preparing to leave if and when you choose, and navigating the days and weeks after. You don’t have to do this alone. Steps to Hope supports survivors at every stage—whether you’re gathering information, planning discreetly, or taking action.
Below is a comprehensive guide to building a safety plan. Use what applies to your life, and skip what doesn’t. The plan should fit you—your routines, your home, your children, your technology, your community.
1) Guiding principles for your plan
Your safety comes first. You get to decide what “safe enough” looks like today. Leaving isn’t the only measure of progress; small steps matter.
Trust your instincts. If something feels off, it usually is.
Keep it private. Whenever possible, memorize key details, avoid leaving written clues, and consider storing notes in a secure, non-shared location.
Update often. Revisit your plan when routines, work, school, childcare, transportation, or living arrangements change. Steps to Hope advocates can help you revise safely.
2) Safety during a crisis
If a violent incident feels imminent or is already happening:
Identify exits and safer spaces. Know the rooms with a door to the outside and no weapons (avoid the kitchen, garage, or bathroom). Practice unobtrusively how you’d move to those spaces.
Create a code word. Share a phrase with trusted friends, neighbors, or older kids that means “Call for help now.”
Keep a charged phone accessible. If possible, have a backup phone (old deactivated phones can still call emergency services).
Teach children what to do. Age-appropriate instructions like “go to Neighbor Pat’s porch and call for help” are more effective than “hide.” Emphasize that their job is to stay safe, not to intervene.
Trust timing. If leaving during an incident increases risk, focus on de-escalation skills you know have worked before (calm tone, short answers, creating physical space) and exit when it’s safer.
Steps to Hope can help you think through crisis scenarios specific to your home’s layout and routines.
3) Safety when preparing to leave
Leaving can be the most dangerous time, so plan meticulously and in stages:
Assemble “go” essentials. If possible, discreetly pack a small bag with: ID, birth certificates, Social Security cards, immigration papers, medical cards, prescriptions, a few days of clothing, spare keys, prepaid phone, copies of protective orders, and any proof of abuse (photos, texts, logs). Hide with a trusted person or in a place only you can access.
Financial readiness. Set aside cash in small amounts; open an account at a new bank if safe; change direct deposits and mailing addresses to a secure location or P.O. box.
Transportation. Keep your gas tank at least half full; store an extra transit card; make a list of safe rides (friends, rideshare, taxi numbers) and preferred routes to shelters or safe homes.
Documents & pets. Gather vet records, proof of ownership, meds, and a plan for pets—some shelters partner with safe-pet programs. Steps to Hope can explain local options.
Choose timing wisely. Consider leaving when the abuser is at work, traveling, or otherwise occupied, and notify only those who must know.
4) Digital safety and technology
Abusers often misuse technology to monitor or harass. Reduce risk with layered steps:
Devices. Assume shared devices may be monitored. Log out of accounts, clear histories, and consider using a separate device for planning. Turn off location services when safe to do so.
Accounts. Change passwords to unique, long phrases. Enable two-factor authentication to a number/email your partner can’t access.
Tracking. Check phones, cars, and keychains for trackers; review paired Bluetooth devices and “shared locations” in apps.
Social media. Tighten privacy settings, limit posting real-time locations, and ask friends not to tag you.
Smart home. If you’re leaving a shared residence with smart locks, cameras, or thermostats, plan to disable access or create new admin accounts at your new location.
Steps to Hope advocates can walk you through a private tech-safety checkup.
5) Safety at home after separation
If you’ve left or the abusive person no longer lives with you:
Strengthen the perimeter. Change locks (or ask your landlord), add window/door alarms, outdoor lighting, and motion-detect cameras if feasible.
Protective orders. Keep copies at home, in your car, and at work/school; give one to your child’s school or daycare if applicable.
Safety routine. Vary routes and schedules; park in well-lit areas; tell trusted neighbors or building staff to call for help if they see the person near your home.
Children & exchanges. Arrange custody exchanges in public, well-monitored places—or through a third party or supervised visitation center. Steps to Hope can suggest local options.
Emergency cache. Maintain a small stash of essentials in case you need to leave quickly again.
6) Safety at work or school
Inform a point person. Share a photo and protective order (if you have one) with HR, security, a supervisor, or a school counselor.
Access control. Ask for a temporary badge change, escort to parking, or a different desk/classroom location.
Communication plan. Decide how colleagues should respond if the abuser shows up or calls. Provide your code word if that’s part of your plan.
Privacy. Consider a new email or extension for external contacts; limit public-facing info.
Schedule support. If possible, adjust hours to minimize predictable routines. Steps to Hope can help you draft a workplace safety request.
7) Health, legal, and documentation
Medical care. Seek treatment for injuries and ask providers to document findings; you can accept care without making a report in many places—ask a confidential advocate about your options.
Evidence. Save threatening texts/voicemails, screenshots, and photos with dates. Keep a written log of incidents. Back up to a secure cloud or a flash drive stored elsewhere.
Legal help. Explore protective orders, custody, immigration relief, or name/address confidentiality programs. Steps to Hope can connect you with local legal resources.
8) Emotional safety and support
Safety is physical and emotional:
Build a circle. Identify 3–5 people you can call day or night. Share your code word and basic plan.
Grounding tools. Keep a list of quick supports: breathing exercises, a favorite playlist, a text to a friend, a brief walk, a crisis line.
Counseling & groups. Healing from trauma is possible. Steps to Hope offers confidential advocacy and can refer you to counseling and survivor groups that fit your needs and culture.
9) Personalized checklist (fill in and keep somewhere safe)
My emergency contacts: (names/numbers)
My code word: __________
Safer rooms/exits in my home: __________
Where my “go” bag is stored: __________
How I’ll secure my phone/accounts: __________
Child/pet plan: __________
Work/school point person: __________
Transportation plan: __________
Where I’ll go first if I have to leave quickly: __________
Tip: If writing things down feels risky, memorize a few items each week or store them in a disguised note (e.g., as a grocery list) only you understand.
10) How Steps to Hope can help—confidentially
You don’t have to figure this out by yourself. Steps to Hope provides confidential support, safety-planning assistance, referrals for safe shelter and legal resources, and help with practical needs like transportation, clothing, and documentation copies. Whether you’re staying, undecided, or leaving, our role is to help you stay as safe as possible and to honor your choices. If it’s safe to do so, reach out to Steps to Hope from a device your partner cannot access, or ask a trusted person to contact us on your behalf.
Creating a safety plan is an act of courage and care. Start with one small, achievable step—saving an emergency contact, choosing a code word, or identifying an exit route. Then build from there. And remember: you’re not alone. Steps to Hope is here to listen, believe you, and stand with you—today, tomorrow, and as long as you need.