Domestic Violence Myths vs. Facts
When we think about domestic violence, many of us have preconceived ideas—ideas that are often rooted in myths rather than facts. These misconceptions can prevent victims from seeking help, make it harder for friends or family to intervene, and allow abuse to continue unchecked. At Steps to Hope, we believe that education is a powerful form of prevention and healing. By clarifying what is true and what is false about domestic violence, we can become stronger allies to survivors, and build safer communities.
In this article, we’ll explore several common myths about domestic violence, then present the facts — and we’ll also highlight how Steps to Hope’s services support survivors and intervene in these dynamics.
Myth 1:
“Domestic violence only happens in poor, uneducated or certain ethnic communities.”
Fact: Abuse crosses all socioeconomic, cultural, religious, gender, and age lines.
While some believe domestic violence is limited to marginalized or low-income populations, research consistently contradicts this. According to one overview:
“Domestic abuse can happen to people at every strata of society. It cuts across all races, economic, ethnic, cultural, and religious groups.”
University of Arizona Law+1
Another source states:
“Domestic violence affects 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men in the United States during their lifetime.”
laurel-house.org
Because of this myth, victims from more affluent or “stable” communities may feel shame or believe they don’t “fit the profile,” and thus delay seeking assistance. Steps to Hope’s mission—to provide safety, advocacy and shelter to individuals affected by domestic violence and sexual assault—reflects the understanding that abuse can happen to anyone. Steps to Hope
Myth 2:
“If it were really that bad, the victim would just leave the relationship.”
Fact: Leaving is often the most dangerous time; many complex obstacles make departure extremely difficult.
This is one of the more pervasive and harmful myths. Some ask, “Why don’t they just go?” But the reality is far more complex. According to one resource:
“There are many reasons that make it hard for people to leave an abusive relationship … the risk of harm to the victim and their children is much higher after they leave an abusive relationship.”
Safe and Equal+1
Barriers can include: fear of retaliation, financial dependency, isolation, lack of safe housing, emotional attachment, children/family considerations, lack of resources, or even hope the abuser will change. Steps to Hope directly addresses these needs by offering emergency shelter, legal counsel, orders of protection and supportive services. Steps to Hope Recognizing the dangers of leaving empowers us to respond with compassion rather than judgement.
Myth 3:
“Domestic violence is just about physical violence or anger that got out of control.”
Fact: Abuse includes emotional, psychological, financial, sexual and coercive control—not just physical violence.
Many people assume that if there are no visible bruises or broken bones, then there’s no real “domestic violence.” But as Women’s Aid notes:
“Domestic abuse does not always include physical violence. … Incidents can include … controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour.” Women’s Aid
Also, one myth states:
“Domestic abuse is caused by anger” but the fact is: “Abusers use anger as an excuse … Abusers generally do not attack their bosses or people on the streets… they choose their tactics strategically according to what is the most effective way to gain power and control.”
University of Arizona Law+1
At Steps to Hope, our services recognize that abuse is a pattern of power and control. Our interventions aren’t just about emergency shelter; they include group support, legal advocacy, safety planning, and helping survivors heal mentally and emotionally. Steps to Hope
Myth 4:
“Only women are victims, and only men are perpetrators.”
Fact: While women are disproportionately affected, anyone — regardless of gender, sexual orientation or role in the relationship — can be a victim or perpetrator.
Some sources still propagate the idea that only men abuse women, but research shows dynamics are broader. For example:
“Domestic abuse occurs in the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender communities at approximately the same rate as in heterosexual relationships.”
University of Arizona Law
Also, while women are statistically more likely to suffer severe, injurious or fatal abuse, that does not mean men cannot be victims or that only men can be perpetrators. When we hold onto this myth, we may dismiss or marginalize certain survivors. At Steps to Hope, we aim to serve all survivors — male, female, LGBTQ+, and children. Our goal is inclusive safety, advocacy, and support.
Myth 5:
“The victim must have provoked it, or something must be wrong with them (low self-esteem, etc.).”
Fact: Abuse is the responsibility of the abuser, not the fault of the victim; self-esteem alone is not the cause.
Blaming victims is an unfortunately common by-product of these myths. For example:
“No one deserves to be abused. Everyone has the right to live free of violence.”
Hope and Safety
“The only person responsible for abuse is the person choosing to use violence and abusive behaviour.”
Safe and Equal
Sometimes abusers will deliberately pick someone they believe they can control, or will undermine a partner’s self-esteem over time. But it is never the victim who causes the abuse. At Steps to Hope, our advocacy work emphasizes empowerment and healing, not blame. Survivors are not broken or defective — they are people who experienced an injustice, and they deserve safety and dignity.
Myth 6:
“Domestic violence is rare or happens only in certain places.”
Fact: Domestic violence is widespread across communities, and many cases go unreported.
Another dangerous myth: “It doesn’t happen here.” But research says otherwise:
“Intimate partner violence is prevalent in every community.”
MyFLFamilies
Because of underreporting, stigma, and isolation, the actual scope may be even larger than official figures show. Steps to Hope continuously sees this in our work—people from all walks of life reach out for help. That universality demands a community-wide response: education, prevention, support, and healing.
How Steps to Hope Supports Myths-to-Facts Translation
Emergency Shelter & Advocacy: Survivors of domestic violence don’t have to navigate danger alone. Steps to Hope provides safe lodging, legal assistance, orders of protection, and advocacy for those in crisis. Steps to Hope
Education & Prevention Programs: By offering programs such as “Check Your Relationship,” “Warning Signs of Abuse,” and “Start a Conversation,” Steps to Hope helps dismantle myths before they harm someone. Steps to Hope
Therapeutic Support & Groups: Healing isn’t just about physical safety—it’s about mental, emotional, social restoration. Our counseling, support groups, and “Healing Through Writing” program help survivors rebuild strength and identity. Steps to Hope
Community Engagement & Outreach: Myths persist when silence prevails. Steps to Hope invites neighbors, friends, employers, educators, and bystanders to learn, speak up, and support survivors. Safeguarding is everyone’s business.
Taking Action: What You Can Do
Believe and listen. If someone shares their experience of abuse, listen without judgement. Avoid asking “Why didn’t you leave?” and instead ask, “How can I help?”
Educate yourself. Familiarize yourself with the facts of domestic violence (such as those listed above). Recognizing myths helps dismantle them.
Use your voice. Some abuse is unseen—coercive control, emotional abuse, isolation. When you see controlling behaviour, manipulative language or isolation tactics, reach out.
Support local resources. Whether through donation, volunteering, or providing silent support to a survivor, involvement matters. Steps to Hope offers multiple ways to get involved—from thrift stores to speakers, to fundraisers. Steps to Hope
Encourage safe exit strategies. If someone is contemplating leaving, help them devise a safety plan: secure documents, money, trusted contacts, and know where to go. Suggest they contact Steps to Hope for guidance and shelter options.
Myths about domestic violence don’t just misinform—they perpetuate harm. They silence survivors, excuse abusers, and hinder healing. At Steps to Hope, our mission is grounded in truth — we know that abuse can happen to anyone, it is never justified, and help is available.
By sharing facts, we shine a light in the darkness. By standing together, we create pathways out of violence into safety, hope, and freedom. If you or someone you know is affected by domestic or sexual violence, remember: you are not alone. Reach out to Steps to Hope. You deserve respect, you deserve safety, and you deserve hope.
If you need assistance, please call the Steps to Hope 24-Hour Hotline at 828-894-2340. Steps to Hope
Let’s continue dismantling these myths, one conversation at a time—and build a world where everyone can live free from fear.